The Surprisingly Simple Mix of Qualities That Makes People
Influential
How does Oprah Winfrey captivate millions? What's the secret
behind former President Bill Clinton's charisma or Richard Branson's charm?
"When you meet someone, they're sizing you up on two
fundamental qualities: strength and warmth," says Kohut, a founding
partner of Washington, D.C.-based KNP Communications, which specializes in
preparing public figures for speaking events. "Strength measures how much
people can affect the world, and warmth shows how much people are concerned
about our interests."
Kohut and Neffinger came to this conclusion after years of
seeing the same issues crop up in their clients' body language. Most seemed
either timid and uncomfortable (lacking strength) or confident but cold
(lacking warmth). The rare star, the kind of person who has "got it"
-- that magical thing called charisma -- managed to project strength and warmth
simultaneously.
This insight has implications for people at all career
levels, Kohut says, since being identified as having leadership potential
requires that you seem both competent and likable. "When we think about
the people we want as leaders, we need to respect their ability, and we need to
like them to want to follow them," he says.
The trouble is it's extremely difficult to portray both at
once. Acting in a way that makes you seem strong, whether puffing out your
chest or using big words, may show your capability, but it can be off-putting,
Kohut says. And when people display warmth, by doing others favors or agreeing
with their viewpoints, they give away strength. "The balance is hard to
strike," he says. He believes those who have mastered it are merely
multitasking, switching between tasks so swiftly it seems fluid.
What's more, physical qualities that are out of your control
can automatically influence others' perceptions of you, Kohut says. Having a
smaller frame may reduce your strength, for example, but having an attractive
face may increase your warmth. By the same token, women are typically perceived
as having more warmth and less strength, with the reverse true for men.
Yet when women move to exert their strength, particularly in
professional settings, they are often penalized for going against type and are
no longer viewed as warm. "This is the uneven playing field," Kohut
says. "Women have to actively dial up both warmth and strength." As
Facebook COO Sheryl Sandberg writes in her best-selling advice book "
Lean In," to get ahead, women must be confident and
oh-so nice, but fierce negotiators as well.
Finding the balance
How can you find the balance and become more compelling? "The easiest and
most common thing that all of us can do is stand up straight and smile,"
Kohut says. "It sounds basic, but it's really important."
Body language and verbal cues play a huge part in reflecting
both qualities, he says. If you want to dial up strength, good posture, eye
contact and confident articulation will make you seem powerful. You can also
watch the body language of others to see how they're responding to you, Kohut
says. When someone backs away or leans out of a conversation, you may be coming
on too strong.
If you want to dial up warmth, smile, lean in to
conversations, and mirror the feelings and gestures of others to appear
empathetic. You could also establish common ground by complimenting a project
they worked on or agreeing with their perspective. "When you agree with
people, you're confirming their view of the world," Kohut says. "Then
you seem more familiar."
If you're unsure of which quality you may be lacking (or
overdoing), he suggests asking a trusted friend or videotaping yourself giving
a presentation, so you can see yourself more clearly.
"When you discover the lens of strength and
warmth," Kohut says, "it changes the way you see yourself and the
world."
Jenna Goudreau is the editor of Strategy and Careers at
Business Insider. Business Insider is a fast-growing business site with deep
financial, media, tech, and other industry verticals. It launched on July 19,
2007, led by DoubleClick founders Dwight Merriman and Kevin Ryan and former
top-ranked Wall Street analyst Henry Blodget.
Copyright 2013 Business Insider.
